Okay. So this is my bread and butter. I have definitely fallen in love with the ‘woo-woo’ side of things. I was introduced to the legend Alan Watts while attending Portland State University. His calm, poetic, Zen demeanor flipped my whole world. I was raised in a beautiful, white, middle-class suburb of New Jersey, and until I met Alan, my life was full of ‘shoulds’. By this age, I ‘should’ be making this much money. By this age, I ‘should’ be settled. By this age, I ‘should’ know who I am. Talk about stress. Who made up these deadlines anyway?

Playing by the rules wasn’t just safe, it was familiar. But I have started to realize that familiarity doesn’t allow any real growth. I also began to realize that familiarity isn’t all that exciting. No. I am not advocating that you suddenly quit your job, tell your in-laws off, and just do ‘whatever you want’. That is NOT responsible. But what if you started by really paying attention to your mental tapes? Are they your tapes? Mom and Dad’s? Your significant other’s? Society’s? Is YOUR life even aligned with YOUR values?

My passion, it turns out, is for uncovering why people do what they do, starting with myself. A perfect lab rat. I began to let go of the life I was taught to want. Being gay definitely assisted in the ignition of this journey. My rule book was already genetically different from the ‘norm’. I started reading all the books, attending so many seminars and lectures, watched all the TedTalks….I was in what some call the ‘absorbing’ phase. I was teaching myself as much as I possibly could and I was hooked. 

Then, most importantly, I started to apply everything I was absorbing towards myself. Was I doing what I wanted? Was I interacting with those with whom  I wanted to interact? Was I aligned with my core values? This mental exploration has both been terribly uncomfortable and enlightening. I am still on this journey. And I now know so many of you are too.